I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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