so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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