is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
