I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
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