I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
