Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
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Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
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I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize