those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
