why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
