So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
