I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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