During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
