sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
