I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
