My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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