Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
