My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
