i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
