arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
