K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
It's never too late to be topless.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
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