Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
