WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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