I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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