Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
