I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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