You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I love you. Go after that dick
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
