I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
