i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
