In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Sober January is a disaster.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Every concussion has its silver lining
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Randomize
