She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
