Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
