omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Randomize
