would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
