Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
