youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
im calling her cock vulture from now on
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
