I hate all girls vehemently.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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