He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
