dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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