also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
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I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
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if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize