I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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