I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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