NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
