My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize