Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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