Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
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