i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
