Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
