friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
