I molested 6 butterflies tonight
someone owes me an orgasm
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
