someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
