Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
