If i come over, it means nothing
If that was your dad, he is hot
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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