u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Randomize
