I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
