dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
