I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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