well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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