bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
