You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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