Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
