my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
