You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Randomize
