I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
