I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
