the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
