Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
