Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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