O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
