just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
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