I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
