Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
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I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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