Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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