last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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