I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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