i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
