The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Randomize
