carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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