I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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