so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Randomize
