dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
