i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
