come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
