Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
