I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
